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WALK

The sweetest, shiniest cherry won't save a bad sundae. Your favorite actor/actress can't save a film with an idiotic plot line. An amazing interior design won't save a restaurant that serves horrible-tasting food.

The enthusiasm for and effort in doing fancier tango steps won't save a dancer who can't properly lead or follow a basic walk.

It may not seem glamorous, but those first steps we learn in the beginning, the walk, are the foundation of everything that comes after. Walk well, even if it's all you do for the entire tanda. Your partners won't think you're just good at walking. They'll think you're good at dancing, too.

YOU ARE THE CULTURE

In a tango community, the status quo doesn't function exactly like it does in a corporation. If, for example, the customer service sucks at a big-name store like Best Buy (and sometimes it does), it's a reflection of the store's leadership and management style. The employees may not have much leeway, or incentive, to change it.

Oftentimes, a tango community's vibe also reflects the personality of its organizational leadership. But ultimately, and unlike a corporation, the culture is not top-down.

If a community is not to your liking, for whatever reason, leadership can only be blamed to a certain degree. It is the individual members who have made a conscious decision to accept, and maybe actively perpetuate, whatever it is (energy, attitude, etc) that you find unappealing.

Don't sulk and complain if you find yourself surrounded by jerks on the dance floor. Bring a different energy into the community, and seek like-minded people. Maybe you'll help gradually turn things around, or even start your own group. 

We should never believe that we're stuck with whatever tango "culture" we find ourselves in. As individuals, and through our actions, we define "the culture."

DON'T GET TOO CLOSE

How did the Greek scholar Archimedes crack the scientific problem of determining an irregular object's volume? He didn't do it through countless hours in a laborabory, analyzing data, or by consulting with experts in the field. 

As the story goes, he came across it while taking a bath, when he happened to notice the water level in the tub rise as he started sitting in it. From there, he figured out that the volume of water being displaced was equal to the volume of the corresponding body part being submerged.

In other words, a major scientific discovery was made when the scientist happened to be taking a break.

We love tango, and we work hard to improve our technique and the steps we're struggling to learn. And more often than not, the only time we think to relax is when our legs and feet get too sore. But physical rest alone isn't enough when we've been dancing for hours on end, night after night. 

We also need mental rest. Being too close to the dance, spending too much time with it, hinders improvement. Trying to improve your tango with a burnt-out brain is about as smart as dancing while drunk.

So step off the dance floor every once in a while. Have a nice bath. When you take the time to stop looking for answers, you give the answers time to come looking for you. 

THINKING vs LEARNING

Classes are for learning. Prácticas are for thinking.

If we're having trouble progressing, maybe it's because we're focusing too hard on one element and not the other. For most of us, we're often fixated on taking classes, or learning. Although receiving instruction is important, our teachers aren't encouraging us to also go to prácticas and milongas just for the sake of plugging their events. 

Prácticas are where we focus on thinking, as opposed to learning.

A práctica is a good place to pick apart what we've gone over in class, to experiment and see if there are multiple ways to do a figure. For example, can we do a certain step in close embrace? Or can we do it while turning in the opposite direction? Give it a shot. Maybe it'll work. Maybe it won't. Or, maybe we'll discover a new step by accident.

An environment geared towards thinking isn't as structured or organized as a learning one. It goes against the "sit-still-and-do-as-you're told" mindset that years of schooling and work have ingrained in us, and can appear chaotic and scary in comparison.

But the process of getting better at tango, or achieving any kind of success in life for that matter, rarely follows a linear, orderly path. 

WE'RE ALL TOO BUSY

One of the most difficult things about becoming good at tango isn't necessarily related to the nature of the dance itself. Instead, it's the nature of our busy lives. 

With issues related to work, family, friends, bad weather, being tired, etc, it's easy to say that we don't have time.

So how do we improve our dancing? Instead of thinking of the reasons why we can't, shouldn't, or might not be able to, try asking yourself: 

How good do I want to be, and how bad do I want it? 

The clarity of your answer will give you a better idea of how to prioritize all the other things in life you don't have time for.

THE OCCASIONAL EXTREME

I'm guessing most of you reading this take tango classes regularly. Then, to get a better grasp on what you've learned in those classes, you go to the local practicas and milongas in your town. All of that is good. Very good.

But it's not enough.

Tango is special to us not only because it's a great dance, but also because it's an experience. The circumstances in which we choose to use our dancing is almost as essential as learning/practicing the steps themselves. Like trying a new exercise at the gym to develop different muscle groups, it's necessary to vary our tango experiences as well.

Not sure if you want to go to a milonga that ends at dawn? Curious about trying tango in a city you've never been to before? Considering a road trip to a festival where you don't know anyone? Thinking about going to a milonga in a part of town where everyone there might be a freak?

Try it.

Take a break from the routine and put yourself in a position that will guarantee some sort of reaction on your part. Good or bad, it'll likely add something new and interesting to your dancing.

SOMETHING'S ALWAYS WRONG

When it comes to tango venues, we’ll almost never be 100% satisfied. Often, we’ll grumble that:

the floor’s too small (or too wide or too narrow), the floor’s too sticky, the floor’s too slippery, there are metal poles in the way, there are too many chairs around the dance space, there aren’t enough chairs around the dance space, it’s too hot, it’s too cold, it’s too dark, it’s too light, it's too crowded, too noisy, too quiet...

...you get the point.

There are generally two reactions to dealing with an unavoidable issue at a milonga. One is to whine, complain, and make ourselves look like a bunch of self-entitled asses. The other is to view the problem as an opportunity to improve our dancing.

I’m not suggesting that we go out of our way to look for bad venues or experiences. Sooner or later, they’ll find us. But without the challenge of imperfect circumstances, we won’t be able to perfect our dancing.

POWER HAS ITS PRICE

Many years ago, I was watching one of those National Geographic nature shows, and on that particular night they were focusing on this weird fish. I don't recall exactly what kind of fish it was, and the only part of the show that still sticks out in my mind was when they started talking about its behavior during mating season.

While trying to attract a mate, the narrator pointed out that the male fish would raise (or flap?) his fins. This would display a beautiful shade of red that ran along the entire length of his sides. I’m fuzzy as to whether the red was the fish's natural color or the result of bioluminescence. But the point is, the flashier and brighter the fish was, the better chance it had of finding a mate.

Let me stretch the analogy a little.
Being recognized as a good dancer (male or female) is something we all strive for, and it's a great feeling when we start to achieve it. We hear compliments, get more dances, and even gain some influence in our communities.

And then what happens?

Continuing on with the flashy fish story...

The narrator went on to mention that there was a serious downside to this fish’s behavior. The healthiest, most vibrant fish - the ones most likely to garner attention - were also the ones most likely to be spotted and picked off by hungry predators.

Now, I’m not saying that getting better at tango means we're more likely to be eaten. But think about what it takes to improve our tango. We joke about it being an "obsession," and we pretty much have to treat it like one if we're going to be serious about advancing. Therein lies the danger.

At this point your brain is thinking one step ahead, possibly coming to the logical conclusion that the adrenaline rush of being an admired dancer makes us vulnerable to symbolic predators, such as arrogance and an inflated sense of self-importance. I guess that’s true enough, as I’m sure we’ve seen it happen.

But I think there’s more.

We're often told that, in bad times, our true nature comes out and we show others who we really are. But in good times, and in this case, the moments of social "success" we achieve because of our tango "obsession," the same thing happens. Whether we get “eaten alive” or not doesn’t depend on a change in character. Instead, it has much more to do with who we’ve been, deep down...all along. Outside circumstances, whatever they may be, merely expose us.

Might be a good idea to keep one foot on the ground at all times.

DANCE FOR, NOT JUST WITH, YOUR PARTNER

Our dancing, if you use your imagination, is a little bit like running an ice cream shop. We can't dance the same way (offer just one flavor) with everyone. For every tanda, we have to get a sense for our partner’s skill and adapt to the way he/she moves.

Doing a bunch of ganchos and volcadas with someone you know is fine. But throwing those steps around with either a novice or stranger isn't going to feel so good. That's like going to the ice cream shop, ordering vanilla, and having the guy working there jump over the counter and cram a scooper-full of butter pecan down your throat because he thinks it’s a better choice.

Customize your dancing to every partner’s comfort level instead of doing the same set of steps with everyone. You're likely to be remembered for your level of consideration rather than your level of dance.

EVERYONE'S AS SCARED AS YOU

Why sit through annoying commercials and run the risk of hearing bands we can't stand when we can call up hundreds, or even thousands, of songs that we do like on our MP3 players? And why pay a monthly cable bill to have access to a bunch of shows we'd never want to watch, when the internet allows us to focus on the few programs that do interest us?

Hopefully, many of you reading this can probably relate. We're able to easily tailor and filter our interactions with the world to suit our individual interests. In many ways, that’s great. But we can’t go on living in our own bubbles forever, and it isn’t healthy to try.

Chicago Tango Week kicks off today (July 4), and big tango festivals elsewhere are also coming up. Strangers from all over the world will be meeting for the first time. Many of us will be going to big milongas where we’ll be surrounded by hundreds of people whom we never met before. For many of us, this'll bring back memories of the high school cafeteria.

And for less experienced dancers, it will be very tempting to want to stay close only to the circle of friends that they came with.

Don’t.

This is an opportunity to dance with people you’re never likely to see again. Break down a few social barriers and strike up a casual conversation with some people around you. It will feel a little scary to try (especially for someone like me), as we’re all hard-wired to fear social rejection.

But this fear often isn’t grounded in any sort of reality.

These strangers don’t have to end up being your BFF, of course. But if several hundred people can believe that there’s a high statistical probability that the individuals around them are friendly, or at least non-threatening, the festival atmosphere will be even more fun. Chances are you’ve invested a good amount of cash for the rare opportunity to take classes with world-class instructors. But there’s a lot we can do as attendees to help make the experience priceless.

A friendly ‘hello’ and a simple question (where are you visiting from?) is where it starts.

AVOID RHYTHMIC DIARRHEA

Sorry for sounding gross, but that’s the best I could do for the title of today’s topic. For leaders, learning new steps is definitely a blast, and it's totally understandable to want to run to the nearest práctica or milonga to try them out on someone. We've noticed people, sometimes even our own friends, getting carried away. They become totally wrapped up in what they’re doing, throwing in every advanced figure they can think of (or learned on Youtube) while the follower rolls her eyes and/or struggles to avoid getting kicked in the face. It's a little embarrassing to watch, and perhaps we've been guilty of doing this ourselves on a few occasions. Rhythmic diarrhea. We’ve all seen it, but maybe didn’t use those exact words to describe it.
"But I don't want my partner to get bored," is the usual justification (or excuse) for having it.

Okay, fine.

So let’s equate dancing with someone to having a conversation, which is a common but useful analogy. Now imagine that someone cornering you in an elevator, and then proceeding to talk not with you, but at you, about some subject. For the sake of argument, let’s assume this person is going on about a topic that probably doesn’t interest you, like his extensive collection of rare garden slugs and mold spores that live under his mother's front porch. Oh, and this person happens to be a close-talker.

After a little while, you try to make it clear via body language that you’re not interested in hearing more. But that doesn’t help. You try to get a word in edgewise so you can politely end the conversation, but you can’t. You keep getting cut off because he keeps blabbing, and then you wonder if he’s ever going to stop.

The elevator arrives at your floor and you try to move past him. But amazingly, he blocks your path because he still wants to talk. When you finally get a chance to ask why he’s still flapping his lip, his answer is that he’s afraid that you’ll be "bored" unless he fills every millisecond of silence.

Whether it’s in conversation or dance, those who try way too hard to be exciting or interesting never end up being those things (at least not in the way that they think). Effective leaders in tango don’t have to be the most experienced, dynamic, or talented dancers in the room. For the entire tanda, they can be doing something as simple as walking.

But if they’re leading clearly, moving to the song's rhythm, and paying attention to the follower's comfort level, they’ll be anything but boring.

TEAMWORK WITHOUT BACKUP

Isn’t it strange how your job, and probably every other job you’ve had, always entails doing more (sometimes much more) than what the actual description specifies? We all have our reasons for taking on the extra challenge, and a common one is having to be on guard in case a co-worker screws up, right?

In tango, we learn our roles as leaders and followers. With the intention of being good partners, we naturally take the same work ethic that makes us effective employees from the office to the dance floor. We want to overachieve and believe that it's right to go beyond our "job descriptions," to prove ourselves and to show that we care.

But that's where trouble happens.

If your dance partner messes up, you can’t "fill in" to do the other person's job while still doing your own. And if you insist on it, even with the best of intentions, you’ll likely be mistaken as a control freak who’s not very fun to dance with. The most you can do is make things easier for the other person and maybe cover up a few mistakes. But beyond that, there’s no fail-safe or backup.

While dancing tango, giving up half the control while blindly giving your partner all the trust is one of the most difficult things to do. But at the same time, it's one of the few areas in life where it's the best thing to do.

So give it a try. There’s no describing the feeling when it works.

IT'S NEVER JUST ONE HABIT...

“Relax your left arm,” one of my first tango teachers used to tell me constantly.
And she was right. I was holding so much unnecessary tension in my left arm and shoulder that my partners must have felt more like they were arm-wrestling instead of dancing with me.

At the time, I was scrambling to finish grad school, dealing with a hilariously bad (and occasionally dangerous) living situation, and simply worrying too much about trivial matters. All that must have had something to do with my tense shoulders and arms during class.

Our teachers can point out what we’re doing wrong and give advice to address the immediate technical problem(s). But permanent, long term solutions to our bad dance habits require change that needs to be implemented off the dance floor.

I won't bore you with my life story, but I noticed my arms fully relaxing only after I completely gave up corporate life to become an entrepreneur. Although things aren't 100% perfect, I’ve learned to stop worrying about the unimportant things that used to bug me, and am much happier overall.  

Of course, I’m not advising we all do something as drastic as quit our day jobs to ride off somewhere for the sheer fun of it... just so we can become better dancers. However, just being told to “relax your arm” won’t not be enough, either.

Is there anything happening off the dance floor that’s stressing you out? And is it worth getting worked up over to the point where it’s holding back your tango? I certainly don’t want to trivialize your problems or presume to know what they are, but I’m betting there are at least a few things worth letting go of. And when you figure that out, life, including your dancing, improves.

BEST OUTFITS (JUST KIDDING. NO, THEY'RE NOT)

Best outfits for guys!

Just kidding.

Unless it's Halloween, only wear these to the next milonga at your own risk...

YOUR DANCING IS NOT (AND SHOULDN'T BE) FOR EVERYONE

Not everybody is going to enjoy the same movies that you love. When I was a kid, just about everyone I knew RAVED about the movie E.T: the Extra Terrestrial. My friends at school, their parents, my teachers, and even random people at the mall told me how great it was and that I absolutely had to see it. So, I did.

I hated it.

And so did my brother and mom (I think it was the only time in our lives when we actually agreed on anything). 

As I got older, I sat through it a few more times just to give it a chance...and I still don’t like it (even after seeing the deleted scene of Harrison Ford's cameo). Nothing personal against Steven Spielberg, and I even respect the movie for what it is. But personally, it just doesn’t do it for me. If you loved the movie, that’s cool. I have no beef with that.

Now think of your own dancing. Your personality, body type, and preference for certain steps are all major factors that shape the way you dance. And the more experienced you become, the more you might find yourself developing a unique “signature” in your dancing.

And like a widely released film, you’ll find that not everyone will enjoy your dancing style. It can be hard not to take personally, but it's a possible sign that you're growing as a dancer (so long as the vast majority of people don’t hate dancing with you). 

Although it's noble to try, you can’t please everyone, right? 

And neither can your partner, whoever he/she happens to be during the current tanda. It should be no surprise that everyone dances a little differently. You’ll connect with some right away, and some will take a few tangos to get used to. 

Pay attention to your differences - sometimes they'll only be minor, sometimes amusing, and other times they'll be interesting. And who knows? You might just learn something useful. And of course, there will be those few dancers that you'll want to avoid, like E.T (seriously, you people liked that movie?)

CREATIVE DESTRUCTION

If we take a private lesson or a workshop and feel really great because we got something out of it, that’s a good sign.

But suppose we take a private lesson or workshop... and come to the horrible realization that we don’t know a fraction of what we thought we knew. We once considered ourselves experienced dancers, but now wonder if we’ve even been walking correctly this whole time. Leaving the studio in a mild state of shock, we feel as though our egos have been flattened by a cement truck. We’re not sure if we want to show our faces at a milonga ever again, and then we scramble to delete all previous videos of us dancing that we once proudly uploaded to Youtube or Facebook. If we leave a lesson or workshop feeling like that, it’s even better.

A better learning experience isn't always a fun one. In fact, it's often painful. But if we cut through the fog of pride and ego for the sake of doing things right, the long-term payoff will be huge.

SOMETIMES IT'LL BE BAD

You suddenly realize that nothing's working. You’re not feeling sick or suffering from vertigo. Yet, on this particular day, your dancing abilities at the milonga or class are off. Way off. You feel about as graceful as a cow on rollerskates and you feel like your partner will lose patience at any moment. Even some of the basic stuff that you thought was second nature by now requires every ounce of concentration to get right.

It's embarrassing, and maybe even a little scary.

Before you consider crying, jumping out the window, quitting, doubting your sanity, or any combination thereof, realize that we all have moments when our dancing is off. Sometimes there’s a logical reason for it (stressful day, fatigue, hunger, public drunkenness, etc), but on many occasions there simply isn’t. It happens to everyone, and it's nothing to be alarmed about.

Like a bad mood, it'll pass and your dancing will be back to normal the next time. No alcohol necessary.

Okay, maybe a little.

THIS MOMENT WILL COUNT BECAUSE...

If you’re leading, there’s no need to squeeze every step you know into a two and-a-half minute tango. It’s also unnecessary to keep a running, mental tally of all the figures you do "correctly." Nobody’s keeping score. There’s no point in rushing since you're moving in a circle without a finish line.

If you’re following, there’s no purpose in trying to predict what your partner will do five steps from now. If he/she is paying attention to the music, the choreography will likely be emotional and spontaneous. Not rational. Anticipate nothing. Savor every step as you would enjoy every sip of your favorite wine.

Craft and complete every figure before moving on to the next. Focus your energy on the present - make each moment meaningful. And the future, however many steps from now, will take care of itself.

I'M GOOD, BUT...

You feel like you're getting better at tango. You’ve been receiving compliments, and you’ve ventured out to other places/cities to dance. But part of you can’t help but notice that so many other dancers are better at this than you. We feel anxiety creeping in. And maybe there's guilt, too, for comparing ourselves when we know we shouldn't be. Weren't we here to have fun?
Here’s the reality of the situation: No matter how good you become at tango, there will always be someone better. Someone more talented. Someone more experienced. Someone thinner. Someone better-looking. Someone taller. Someone shorter. Someone with bigger muscles. Someone with hotter shoes. Someone with more hair (or less). Gee, thanks Joe. With all the stuff going on in our lives, do we really need more reasons to feel insecure? No, of course not. That being said, we’re also not here to knock others off the imaginary pedestals we’ve created in our heads, because that would be a colossal waste of time as well.
Now, if you have to be better than someone, be a better dancer than you were last week. Is there something you did on the dance floor last Saturday that you couldn’t do as well the previous weekend? If so, then you’ve gotten a little better. And next week? Go for the same thing. Do what you need to do so that in seven days, you’ll be a better dancer than you are right now. And when you accomplish that, do it again the following week. Every week.
Even if it's only a small improvement, it still matters. There’s no limit to how good you can be when your personal record becomes the only competition you're interested in beating.

EVENTUALLY AND WITHOUT WARNING, IT WILL MAKE SENSE

Just by going online, I love how I can find a new sushi recipe in a matter of minutes. Without a gym membership, I can access YouTube and easily discover new workout routines using only the chin-up bar in my apartment. And YouTube, or some other site, will probably give me quick answers on how to treat injuries should I screw up said routines.

Quick, free, and easy access to information allows us to save time on other tasks: booking plane tickets, paying bills, viewing our bank balances, checking the weather forecast, and updating a website. We can do all those things from a single computer (or tablet, or smart phone) in the time it takes your microwave oven to finish cooking a frozen pizza. It's amazing.

As nice as it is to be able to have more efficiency and productivity than ever before, being successful in some areas in life still require actual human contact...and time. For example, some of the core elements of learning tango haven't changed in over a century. These include learning from teachers and practicing with partners.

Obviously, right?

Now consider this: Ever find yourself getting impatient when the website you're looking for takes 3 instead of 0.016 seconds to load? I admit I sometimes do. And are you tempted to fly into a rage when your Facebook account goes down due to scheduled maintenance? Those fifteen minutes when you can’t check and see if anyone’s “liked” your latest status update feel like a hellish eternity. That mindset, which we've become accustomed to in our fast-paced lives, might also be affecting our attitudes towards learning tango.

In some ways, the perfectionism and desire to do things correctly (RIGHT NOW!) can be positive with respect to motivation. But the big downside is that we often give ourselves an unrealistic time-frame in which to become competent dancers. And we start doubting ourselves, or worse, giving up, when we fail to meet our own unrealistic expectations.

A six-week class series focusing on ganchos and sacadas, for example, will give you a good introduction to those figures. An intensive workshop on the same steps with a world renown teacher can definitely improve your dancing. But it will take more than just six weeks of classes or a great workshop to become proficient at ganchos, sacadas or any other figure. You have to take it upon yourself to practice, practice, practice.

Again, this seems obvious. Now consider this:  

You probably won't be great at doing the steps you learned in a class or workshop right away. In many cases, it'll take weeks, or even months of practice and repetition, before you start to get it. An “I MUST DO IT CORRECTLY RIGHT THIS INSTANT” mentality, which might be fine at our day jobs, is fundamentally incompatible with tango. In all honesty, if you don't feel like tearing your hair out or punching a hole in the wall at some point while working on a particular figure, then you're doing something wrong.

But there will come a moment when something in your brain clicks. You'll finally understand what your instructor was talking about, even if it was half a year ago (or more). You will, in fact, figure out that step...eventually. And when you do, that moment is priceless.

It happens without warning, and at any time. It'll make you feel as though you can see the world a little more clearly, and will give you a sense of accomplishment that electronic instant gratification can't possibly provide.

THIS IS NOT YOUR COMFORT ZONE

Most of us wouldn’t behave at the office the same way we would at a rock concert. If you do, you must either be a terrible employee or have an awesome job (or both). Along those same lines, I'm also sure there are things in your past that you wouldn't dream of bringing up during a job interview, or first date.

In other words, it's no surprise that we present only certain sides of ourselves given the specific circumstances or environment we're in.

In tango, however, all sides of your personality are out in the open - there's no concealing them. If your partner's paying attention, he/she can get a sense of who you are in a way that verbal communication cannot easily reveal. Your Facebook profiles, resumés, CVs, recommendation letters, or Pinterest accounts are there to put forth the best “image” of you, and to filter out the bits that you don’t want publicized.

While in close embrace, you're not in control of how others perceive you.

There's no pretending. Sounds scary, right?

But in terms of tango, this is what freedom feels like.
And you'll never experience freedom quite like this anywhere else. This is why so many people, including myself, find tango so appealing.

It's not a “comfort zone” where you go to hide. It's where you go when you're tired of hiding.

BE AFRAID TO FAIL...THEN GO DO IT ANYWAY

It was a Friday night in lower Manhattan. I was at a small Greek diner with Chuck, a guy I knew from work. Earlier that day, to my surprise, I discovered that he liked tango dancing. And when I told him I had started taking lessons, he suggested I attend a milonga that he was going to later that night. I said I would, not thinking much of it at first.

At the end of the work day, we headed to the 33rd Street subway station and boarded the southbound 6-Train to Union Square. At about that time, the fear began sinking in. I was going tango dancing in public for the first time!

At the diner, Chuck made small-talk about his life, his kids, and his other hobbies. But it was hard to hear him over the sound of my own pulse pounding in my ears. Anticipating all that was about to happen in less than an hour, I realized I hadn't been so scared since the time I got lost in a foreign country. And even though I was hungry, I didn't feel much like eating.

After force-feeding myself a Greek salad, gyro, and plate of fries, I followed Chuck to the milonga.

It was at a French restaurant called La Belle Époque, which was one of the more popular tango venues in NYC at the time. Today, unfortunately, the restaurant is no longer there.

Upon entering, I was pretty stunned. The space was beautiful, and I immediately fell in love with the décor. This was a far cry from the simple, rectangular-shaped studio where I took group lessons on Thursday evenings.

After the short beginner lesson, the milonga began. Throngs of people began showing up. The music was loud, people were happily drinking wine, and the place got crowded.

As a novice, my perception was that everyone seemed so serious and professional. Standing at the edge of the dance floor was like watching a sporting event, such as basketball or football, up close from the sidelines. I had never seen anything like it before! And Chuck was encouraging me to go in there...to join them! The only reason I didn't look for a table to hide under was because they were all occupied.

Then, Chuck was kind enough to introduce me to one of his friends. She was a nice lady whose name I’d forgotten the moment she introduced herself. When I set foot on the tiled dance space with her, my already-elevated heart rate somehow skyrocketed even higher. I couldn't have been more scared if I were about to participate in a rodeo for the first time. (Somehow, I still remember the song that was playing - it was El Choclo)

Needless to say, I did not feel ready for this.

Anyway, my first attempt at social dancing was, without a doubt, an unmitigated disaster. Here's an honest evaluation of my first tango attempt in public (no exaggeration):

Staying in my lane in the line of dance? FAIL

Actually following the line of dance? FAIL

Number of times I successfully led the basic cross? 0

Avoided bumping into people? FAIL

Avoided stepping on partner's foot? PASS (barely)

Finished the entire tanda? FAIL

So basically, I did almost EVERYTHING my tango instructor warned me and my class NOT to do. Fortunately, I had a very understanding partner with a good, possibly amazing, sense of humor. Either that or she was half baked and didn't care (we were, after all, in the East Village). Although embarrassing, I had to admit the experience was also exhilarating. And to this day, more than a decade later, I don't regret having gone out there, trying my best...and completely f*cking up anyway.

I know a lot of you tango students are thinking of going to your first milonga or práctica to try out the steps we've been learning. But all too often, we talk ourselves out of it with the promise to go only when "we feel ready."

The truth is, we'll never feel "ready" enough. Disciplining ourselves to go to classes is great, and certainly important. But trying out what we've learned at an actual social setting is the main purpose of taking those tango lessons.

In the relative safety of the classroom, the figures and techniques you work on are akin to building a set of wings. The only way to know if they're any good is if you find a high place from which to jump off.

You might fly.

Or like me on that Friday night, you might crash.

If you do crash, you'll quickly figure out what you need to improve for next time. You'll survive. I got that "crash" out of the way relatively early (although sometimes I wish I'd experienced it a little sooner). And after that, little by little, things got better. So don't wait until you're "ready." Be afraid to fail...and go dance anyway, because much of the valuable lessons you learn in tango happen before you're "ready."

CLASSIC vs ALTERNATIVE TANGO (explained by seals)

STEPPING ON YOUR OWN PANTS

I own a few pairs of pants and jeans that are good for dancing tango. They're not flashy or unusual, in case you were wondering. They're simply comfortable. The only drawback is that they're just a tad too long (I'm in between sizes). This isn't a huge problem, but every once in a while, either my partner or I myself will step on the excess section of pants and stumble. This is funny to everyone but me.

To remedy this, I just readjust the way I lead certain steps and am extra careful about what I'm doing. Of course, one of these days I'll have to physically cut the pants a little shorter. It won't win me any fashion points but it's better than falling.

Unfortunately, not all of our tango issues can be easily (or legally) remedied with sharp objects.

One of the biggest problems we have is lack of time to practice, especially when the práctica schedules don't line up with our own. Another is physical space. But remember, a good practice doesn't always have to entail reviewing every detail that you went over in class.

While at home, take a look at the space around you. For example, what can you practice in the kitchen? Just rock steps? Some Ochos? The linoleum should be adequate for pivoting. You may not have a spacious living room, but if there's a wood floor in there and it's relatively level, what steps can you try? Even if you only have a few minutes before the oven timer goes off?

There will always be obstacles to improving your tango. But with a little creativity, obstacles can be made into advantages. For instance, if you can pull off molinetes in the small kitchen of your one-bedroom apartment without destroying anything or stepping on the dog’s tail, you should be able to do them at a crowded milonga, too.

Figuring out ways around the roadblocks, whether it’s time, space, or even your own pants, is just as good for your tango as showing up to class every week.

ACT LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING

I am not an outgoing person.

At all.

If I have to interact with more than 3 people or animals, I start getting nervous. I'm very private, and it doesn't take much to make me feel awkward. For instance, I'm far more comfortable staying at home reading (or writing) books than going out to a bar.

Growing up, most of my teachers often commented (complained is more like it) that "Joe does not participate enough in class." Despite decent grades, my final GPA was always affected by that silly "class participation" thing. Oh well.

Anyway, let's fast forward several years. I now make a living teaching (talking in front of people) and hosting tango events in the very types of places I spent years avoiding.

I guess life sometimes goes out of its way to mess with you.

But don't get me wrong.

I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE what I do. It's turned out to be a dream job, but I'd be lying if I said that any of it comes naturally. What I do is the polar opposite of what every career matching quiz I took says I ought to be doing.

Yet, here I am.

Greeting people, introducing myself to complete strangers, spending time among large crowds....despite having done it for years I admit it can still be scary.

And I do it every...

single...

week.

For all you tango newcomers out there experiencing the anxiety of going out dancing in public, I know exactly how you feel.

The environment at a milonga is a lot different from the one we're used to in class. The music is louder, people are more dressed-up, and the lighting is more dramatic than the pale fluorescents of the studio where we have lessons.

And right away, we notice there are a lot of good dancers sharing the floor with us.

All of this stimulation causes our brains to freeze up. We feel as though we've forgotten the few steps we learned in class and instantly believe that everyone is judging us. And pretty soon, we're wondering if we'll make it through the current tango song without suffering a panic attack.

Oh, and just a while ago your teacher promised that this was going to be a "fun time," right?

So how do we deal with this?

The technical answer is to just keep things simple. For leaders, that means walking forward, keeping up with traffic, and taking the time to occasionally pause. For followers, that means staying on your own balance and not going anywhere until your partner gives you a clear signal to move.

The above advice might be true, but it's not helpful. And it won't mean squat unless you add a special ingredient. As the title of this blog suggests, you should act like you know what you're doing.

Assume the "role" of a confident dancer: cool/calm expression, simple but fully committed steps, and do what you visualize a confident dancer would do. It feels weird at first, but you'll have a much better chance of success if you try. No one knows what's going on in your head so use your imagination.

As an organizer, that's pretty much what I did. At first, I had to pretty much fake a certain amount of extraversion. But as I got better at "playing" the role of a more outgoing person, it eventually became part of the real me. Deep down, I haven't changed that much. I'm still not a spotlight chaser or a big talker. However, there's a part of myself I can now call upon whenever I'm caught in a situation that requires social skills.

I'm not suggesting that you become a fraud or to be insincere. The purpose is not to con anybody. Instead, you're strengthening the mental aspect of becoming a good tango dancer while making things enjoyable for your partner. And when "faking" confidence helps you achieve the "fun" that your tango teacher keeps talking about, in time it'll turn into real confidence.