ACT LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING

I am not an outgoing person.

At all.

If I have to interact with more than 3 people or animals, I start getting nervous. I'm very private, and it doesn't take much to make me feel awkward. For instance, I'm far more comfortable staying at home reading (or writing) books than going out to a bar.

Growing up, most of my teachers often commented (complained is more like it) that "Joe does not participate enough in class." Despite decent grades, my final GPA was always affected by that silly "class participation" thing. Oh well.

Anyway, let's fast forward several years. I now make a living teaching (talking in front of people) and hosting tango events in the very types of places I spent years avoiding.

I guess life sometimes goes out of its way to mess with you.

But don't get me wrong.

I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE what I do. It's turned out to be a dream job, but I'd be lying if I said that any of it comes naturally. What I do is the polar opposite of what every career matching quiz I took says I ought to be doing.

Yet, here I am.

Greeting people, introducing myself to complete strangers, spending time among large crowds....despite having done it for years I admit it can still be scary.

And I do it every...

single...

week.

For all you tango newcomers out there experiencing the anxiety of going out dancing in public, I know exactly how you feel.

The environment at a milonga is a lot different from the one we're used to in class. The music is louder, people are more dressed-up, and the lighting is more dramatic than the pale fluorescents of the studio where we have lessons.

And right away, we notice there are a lot of good dancers sharing the floor with us.

All of this stimulation causes our brains to freeze up. We feel as though we've forgotten the few steps we learned in class and instantly believe that everyone is judging us. And pretty soon, we're wondering if we'll make it through the current tango song without suffering a panic attack.

Oh, and just a while ago your teacher promised that this was going to be a "fun time," right?

So how do we deal with this?

The technical answer is to just keep things simple. For leaders, that means walking forward, keeping up with traffic, and taking the time to occasionally pause. For followers, that means staying on your own balance and not going anywhere until your partner gives you a clear signal to move.

The above advice might be true, but it's not helpful. And it won't mean squat unless you add a special ingredient. As the title of this blog suggests, you should act like you know what you're doing.

Assume the "role" of a confident dancer: cool/calm expression, simple but fully committed steps, and do what you visualize a confident dancer would do. It feels weird at first, but you'll have a much better chance of success if you try. No one knows what's going on in your head so use your imagination.

As an organizer, that's pretty much what I did. At first, I had to pretty much fake a certain amount of extraversion. But as I got better at "playing" the role of a more outgoing person, it eventually became part of the real me. Deep down, I haven't changed that much. I'm still not a spotlight chaser or a big talker. However, there's a part of myself I can now call upon whenever I'm caught in a situation that requires social skills.

I'm not suggesting that you become a fraud or to be insincere. The purpose is not to con anybody. Instead, you're strengthening the mental aspect of becoming a good tango dancer while making things enjoyable for your partner. And when "faking" confidence helps you achieve the "fun" that your tango teacher keeps talking about, in time it'll turn into real confidence.